All of my test results are in and it's official: I have PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome). I've been told I might have it, but never that it was a definite. Until now. I wasn't sure what to think about it at first, but as it's sunk the the last few days I feel good about it. Not that I want to have it, but the knowing about it is good because I know what direction I need to go in (not just to get pregnant, but for my overall health). I've been put on Metformin to help with insulin resistance that often goes along with PCOS. I'm also taking Synthroid which is a thyroid medication. In 2005 I had a partial thyroid lobectomy (they removed half my thyroid), but the half that I do have has been compensating so I've never been on medication for it. My levels are actually within normal range right now, but while TTC they like the thyroid to be working a little faster, thus the Synthroid.
As for our next step: AF should arrive any day and we'll begin a Clomid cycle at 150mg/day. We're starting at 150mg because that's the dose I was on when we conceived Carter and when I ovulated last year. A couple things we are doing differently though is that my follicles will be monitored via ultrasound. Once one (or more I suppose) reach 18mm I'll be taking a trigger shot of Ovidrel which will force ovulation within 36 hours I believe. We aren't doing IUI (insemination) this round since we know we can conceive on our own. However, if this doesn't work after two tries IUI would most likely be our next step, followed by IVF.
I feel very hopeful about this upcoming cycle. Besides the medication I mentioned, I'm full of prenatals and more folic acid then you can imagine. I'm also taking the information about PCOS and insulin resistance very seriously. The doctor said I could think of myself as "pre" pre-diabetic. That's not a path I want to go down. Russ and I went out this weekend and bought a lot of PCOS friendly foods and I'm getting more serious about exercising daily. I firmly believe in health at every size, so this isn't about losing a bunch of weight (although the doctor told me that a loss of 5% has shown to help boost fertility). I want my body to be functioning at it's highest level for my fertility now, my pregnancy in the near future and my health for the rest of my life so that I can be the best mother and wife possible.
I never wanted to end up needing the help of a fertility specialist, yet deep down I always knew I would. Now that we're here I know with 100% of my being this is the right path for us and it will get us to the destination we've been searching for...our sweet baby that will be the best addition to our family.
Instead of my diagnosis bringing my spirits down, I'm choosing to find in it a renewal of hope. This isn't the end, but the beginning...and something (or should I say someone) magical is heading our way.
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
Monday, May 5, 2014
Weekly Roundup 4/28-5/4
This week I've really been marinating in the fact that I'm a stay-at-home mom. Being able to spend my days with Carter is such an amazing gift. I couldn't imagine missing all of the special little moments.
He's truly is such an awesome person!
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
Weekly Roundup 4/21-4/27
Playing with "pattern blocks" (aka tangrams). If you have a toddler/preschooler and you don't have any of these - get some!! Our friends got these for Carter for Christmas and they have been one of his best gifts! They help to exercise so many different parts of the mind...and they're fun!
Our pooches, Noel (white) and Rosie (brown), got much needed haircuts this week. Just like humans, dogs have a little more pep in their step after a fresh new 'do.
Russ and Carter fixed sprinklers in the yard over the weekend. It makes me so happy to watch their relationship grow and it's all positive! I love it! And I love them :)
Walking around Lowe's like he owns the place!
To round up the weekend we went to the Family Pet Expo in O.C. We'd been once before just after we adopted Noel (7 years ago!!) and it was a good afternoon. The indoor exhibits were a bit too crowded, but Carter's favorite things were walking around the "farm", watching the dogs jump in the water and the fish exhibit. It's been fun watching his love of all things "ocean" bloom. It started with him carrying around a yellow fish toy over a year ago, and it still continues.
And the "yellow fish" still comes with us just about everywhere!
We bought the dogs a few new toys and they were a hit! Carter was laughing so hard he could barely stand up!
Saturday, April 26, 2014
Earth Day - Homeschool Preschool Style
Tuesday was Earth Day and it was filled with fun activities! I'd say this was probably one of the most organized homeschool preschool days we've had yet (we're gearing up to really go at it in Sept). We went to the park and talked about our planet (listing off places/things that make up Earth like mountains, trees, the ocean, animals,etc).
Carter made an Earth paper mosaic. He glued every piece on himself! We discussed how the blue paper was like water and the green was the grass.
Later in the afternoon my mom and sister came over and we all headed back outside for some bark rubbing. I'd done leaf rubbing as a child, but never bark. We all enjoyed ourselves so this is something I know we'll do again.
Last, but not least I printed out some tracing sheets. We focused on the letter 'R' for recycle and reuse.
Carter and I had a lot of fun and this has definitely got me excited for when we officially start homeschool preschool!
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
NIAW - Our Journey with Infertility
April 20-26th, is National Infertility Awareness Week. While I have tried to keep my blog updated as to where we are in the TTC process, I haven't delved very deeply into my feelings or state of mind about it all. Infertility isn't something often discussed and the reasons for that are different for everyone. For some it's the unsolicited advice that quickly gets annoying (no matter how well-intentioned it may be, being told "just relax" or "go on a vacation" when you know you have something medically wrong with you is frustrating). For others it's the stigma of being infertile. And still for others it's not wanting to constantly bring up such a painful subject. I suppose for me it's a little of all of it, but mostly I don't like to dwell on the negative or unpleasant or feel that I'm being pitied. However, if the topic comes up of "When are you going to have another?" I am very comfortable with saying, "We have been trying, but we're going through infertility treatments right now."
There are a select few people in my life that know the complete details of this process of TTC baby #2 and if you follow my blog you know that I am having tests done at the request of the new fertility specialist I'm seeing. If this is all news to you, then the following two paragraphs should bring you up to speed:
In June 2009 Russ and I decided we were ready to start a family. All of my life I have had irregular cycles, but we figured we'd give it a shot anyways. By October I knew it wasn't going to happen on it's own. I went to my OB/GYN and after having blood work done and being diagnosed with "unexplained infertility" I started on the ovulation inducing drug, Clomid. After 3 rounds we found out we were pregnant with Carter in March 2010. It was a long and often emotionally draining 9+ months from when we first started to when we got pregnant. Little did I know how much more difficult things would be the second time around.
Just after Carter's first birthday, in January 2012, Russ and I decided to start trying on our own again. We knew that it most likely wouldn't happen without medical intervention, but we weren't in a rush at the time. Though by January 2013 I was ready to start Clomid again. I had to have the blood tests repeated and by April we began the first round. It was unsuccessful. Every Clomid cycle was unsuccessful for the rest of the year. The OB/GYN said I needed to go a fertility specialist, which I did a month ago. I've had a uterine biopsy after cysts were found during an ultrasound (thankfully they were not cancerous), an extensive blood panel and on Friday I have a hysterosalpinogram. I've been diagnosed with PCOS. Russ has also had a semen analysis. On May 2nd we will meet with the doctor and discuss the results of everything and see where to go from there.
And here we are along with the other 7.3 million people that struggle with infertility. That's just 1 in 8. I know many women that have faced this unfairness (and let's not forget men, too). Some have gone on to have babies, some are pregnant now and some still wondering when it will happen for them. And there are some women like me. They have been blessed with a child, but now struggle with "secondary infertility." Although I had to take Clomid to have Carter, I am still placed in this category.
It's a cruel trick of nature when your body betrays you. And that's exactly what it feels like. Sometimes you can do everything right, take the medicines and vitamins, eat the best foods, exercise, go to acupuncture, etc. and it still won't be enough. For those women, my heart aches. I wish I could say or do something to take the pain away for them, but I can't. If you have never dealt with infertility then you have no way of fully understanding what I'm saying. You should feel very lucky for that. I wouldn't wish infertility on my worst enemy.
After Carter was born I used to spend so much time just starring at him (and usually crying) because I realized with 100% of my being just how blessed I was so have him as my baby. Now that we're struggling to get pregnant again, I feel that even greater. He is the best miracle. He is the sun. He is the sky. He is the music of my heart. I tell him everyday, "You are my blessing." Every. Single. Day.
To say I'd be okay if we didn't have another child is oversimplifying things. Would I be okay? Yes. Life would keep moving and there would be laughter and joy and love. But I think my heart would always ache (at least a little bit) for what would have been....for the family we could have had. The sibling relationship Carter would miss out on.
Infertility has been ever present in my life. My parents struggled with it for 11 years before having my brother. My mother-in-law, aunt and cousin all had secondary infertility as well. Each of our stories is a little different, but has this common denominator: life didn't go as planned. Odds are I will never know what it's like to decide to get pregnant and have that happen without medical intervention.
And that leads me to this: thank God for medical intervention! It's amazing what can be done and I am so grateful for all of it. Hopefully down the road medical intervention with help us conceive our 2nd little one. Sadly though, in the majority of cases insurance does not cover fertility treatments. We have a PPO that will cover 90% of my stay in a "Christian Science Sanatorium" but covers zero of my fertility treatments. It doesn't make sense to me. It is said this is due to the fact that fertility treatments like IVF are very costly and would raise overall healthcare rates, but this often leads to multiple embryo transfers and thus multiple births that usually involve longer (and very expensive) hospital stays. I feel that if a woman has a desire to be a mother, cost should not prevent her from becoming one. (There is also adoption which is a route we would be open to exploring, but like fertility treatments it is very expensive.)
This post has become much longer then I intended, but it's all very close to my heart. If you are reading and wondering, "Well should I approach this subject with her now or not?" my answer would be, sure. If you want to genuinely inquire as to how I am doing or where we are in the process, that's fine. I just ask that you don't start with, "So, are you pregnant yet?" And if you don't ever bring it up that's okay, too. If there is something I really want to tell you, believe me, I will. That goes for when I get pregnant, as well. It's not like I'd be keeping that secret for 9 months and then SURPRISE! I just had a baby! We'll tell you when we are ready to tell you. Until then if you want to pray for us, send us good vibes or just think positive thoughts for us, we would really appreciate it.
And for any women reading this and dealing with infertility: I can't take the pain away or make you pregnant, but I send you love and hope and strength.
There are a select few people in my life that know the complete details of this process of TTC baby #2 and if you follow my blog you know that I am having tests done at the request of the new fertility specialist I'm seeing. If this is all news to you, then the following two paragraphs should bring you up to speed:
In June 2009 Russ and I decided we were ready to start a family. All of my life I have had irregular cycles, but we figured we'd give it a shot anyways. By October I knew it wasn't going to happen on it's own. I went to my OB/GYN and after having blood work done and being diagnosed with "unexplained infertility" I started on the ovulation inducing drug, Clomid. After 3 rounds we found out we were pregnant with Carter in March 2010. It was a long and often emotionally draining 9+ months from when we first started to when we got pregnant. Little did I know how much more difficult things would be the second time around.
Just after Carter's first birthday, in January 2012, Russ and I decided to start trying on our own again. We knew that it most likely wouldn't happen without medical intervention, but we weren't in a rush at the time. Though by January 2013 I was ready to start Clomid again. I had to have the blood tests repeated and by April we began the first round. It was unsuccessful. Every Clomid cycle was unsuccessful for the rest of the year. The OB/GYN said I needed to go a fertility specialist, which I did a month ago. I've had a uterine biopsy after cysts were found during an ultrasound (thankfully they were not cancerous), an extensive blood panel and on Friday I have a hysterosalpinogram. I've been diagnosed with PCOS. Russ has also had a semen analysis. On May 2nd we will meet with the doctor and discuss the results of everything and see where to go from there.
And here we are along with the other 7.3 million people that struggle with infertility. That's just 1 in 8. I know many women that have faced this unfairness (and let's not forget men, too). Some have gone on to have babies, some are pregnant now and some still wondering when it will happen for them. And there are some women like me. They have been blessed with a child, but now struggle with "secondary infertility." Although I had to take Clomid to have Carter, I am still placed in this category.
It's a cruel trick of nature when your body betrays you. And that's exactly what it feels like. Sometimes you can do everything right, take the medicines and vitamins, eat the best foods, exercise, go to acupuncture, etc. and it still won't be enough. For those women, my heart aches. I wish I could say or do something to take the pain away for them, but I can't. If you have never dealt with infertility then you have no way of fully understanding what I'm saying. You should feel very lucky for that. I wouldn't wish infertility on my worst enemy.
After Carter was born I used to spend so much time just starring at him (and usually crying) because I realized with 100% of my being just how blessed I was so have him as my baby. Now that we're struggling to get pregnant again, I feel that even greater. He is the best miracle. He is the sun. He is the sky. He is the music of my heart. I tell him everyday, "You are my blessing." Every. Single. Day.
To say I'd be okay if we didn't have another child is oversimplifying things. Would I be okay? Yes. Life would keep moving and there would be laughter and joy and love. But I think my heart would always ache (at least a little bit) for what would have been....for the family we could have had. The sibling relationship Carter would miss out on.
Infertility has been ever present in my life. My parents struggled with it for 11 years before having my brother. My mother-in-law, aunt and cousin all had secondary infertility as well. Each of our stories is a little different, but has this common denominator: life didn't go as planned. Odds are I will never know what it's like to decide to get pregnant and have that happen without medical intervention.
And that leads me to this: thank God for medical intervention! It's amazing what can be done and I am so grateful for all of it. Hopefully down the road medical intervention with help us conceive our 2nd little one. Sadly though, in the majority of cases insurance does not cover fertility treatments. We have a PPO that will cover 90% of my stay in a "Christian Science Sanatorium" but covers zero of my fertility treatments. It doesn't make sense to me. It is said this is due to the fact that fertility treatments like IVF are very costly and would raise overall healthcare rates, but this often leads to multiple embryo transfers and thus multiple births that usually involve longer (and very expensive) hospital stays. I feel that if a woman has a desire to be a mother, cost should not prevent her from becoming one. (There is also adoption which is a route we would be open to exploring, but like fertility treatments it is very expensive.)
This post has become much longer then I intended, but it's all very close to my heart. If you are reading and wondering, "Well should I approach this subject with her now or not?" my answer would be, sure. If you want to genuinely inquire as to how I am doing or where we are in the process, that's fine. I just ask that you don't start with, "So, are you pregnant yet?" And if you don't ever bring it up that's okay, too. If there is something I really want to tell you, believe me, I will. That goes for when I get pregnant, as well. It's not like I'd be keeping that secret for 9 months and then SURPRISE! I just had a baby! We'll tell you when we are ready to tell you. Until then if you want to pray for us, send us good vibes or just think positive thoughts for us, we would really appreciate it.
And for any women reading this and dealing with infertility: I can't take the pain away or make you pregnant, but I send you love and hope and strength.
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
Easter 2014
In lieu of a "Weekly Roundup" post I'm putting all of the pics in this one because most of what we did this week was Easter related. This was by far the most fun Easter we've had with Carter because he understood a lot more of what was going on. He made crafts, colored eggs, participated in our community Easter egg hunt and loved the trail of eggs the Easter Bunny left for him from his room all of the way downstairs to his basket. To top it all off the weather was beautiful and we got to spend Easter day with our immediate family. I hope that you all had a Happy Easter, too! This time of year of new beginnings is so refreshing!
Happy Easter from our family to yours!
Thursday, April 17, 2014
Best Words Ever!
"The results came back normal."
That has to be one of the greatest sentences ever uttered and it's what I was told about my uterine biopsy this week. What a relief! Tomorrow I'm going to have blood work done and the two hour glucose test. The following Friday I have the hysterosalpinogram (HSG). It feels good to be crossing these off the list and getting closer to being able to TTC again. I was in a bit of a fog for the couple weeks I awaited the results. The not knowing can be the hardest part. But not that I've made it past that I feel a renewed sense of hope. Everything is going to be okay and we'll have a little baby in our arms before we know it!
Btw, this is also a book that I would love as gift (hint, hint to that hubby of mine). Here's the link ;)
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