Bye Bye, Bottle!

On the morning of March 12th Carter had his last bottle. Yes, I know the date. It was THAT big of a deal. I can't really explain how I came to the realization that it was time to put my foot down and take it away (I know some of you are probably thinking FINALLY), but I guess you could say I had an Ah-ha moment. In the previous days I noticed how little he was actually drinking of it when he asked for some milk and I thought, "He's ready. He can do this!" I'd tried many times before, but I knew this time would be different.

While he was busy playing I hid all of the "bottle paraphernalia" (tell me that term doesn't make you chuckle a little) and anytime he asked for milk I told him that the bottles were all gone (and showed him that was true) and offered him something else. That happened about 20 times the first few days, but overall things went pretty easy. Bedtime on days 3 and 4 were the hardest. Carter and I were both crying out of frustration, but we made it through.

That night after Carter went to bed I cleaned the bottles for the last time and again I cried. I was surprised at how emotional it made me (I think part of it was also due to the TTC issues we're having). I washed those bottles many times over the past 3+ years and it was a bittersweet moment. He's definitely not my little baby anymore.

Don't get me wrong though - I'm glad that he's moved on from them. This was a huge milestone for us and while I feel good that we didn't force him before, there is a part of me that realizes how much the bottle held him back when it came to eating (it's a daily struggle to get him to eat what he likes, let alone try new foods or textures). I think this also has to do with him being a highly sensitive child. It's often very hard to break them of bottles and pacifiers and they are infamous "picky eaters."

Our latest "issue" (I put it in quotes, because I don't want to make it into something bigger then it is) is that he only wants to drink out of straws...more specifically juice box (tiny) straws. His go-to drinks are the Capri-Suns Roarin' Waters (nowhere near as good for him as plain water, but not as bad as other juices) and chocolate milk (believe me, I cringe just typing that). I searched down some almond milk drink boxes, but the straw is larger on them so he doesn't want it. Now that we are fully over the bottle, my next step is going to be getting him to drink out of one of the cute cups tumbler he has (preferably water) or buy one of these. One step at a time. In the meantime, I make sure he gets his vitamin everyday.

So there you have it folks! No more bottle for Mr. C!

(This is one of the last pictures I could find of him with his milk)

HSC - Revisited

I posted last week about Carter and the Highly Sensitive Child. After his birthday party this weekend, I wanted to briefly revisit the topic because it's really been on my mind. While his party was a lot of fun (and I know he enjoyed himself), many of his HSC traits came out.

We'd talked about his party all morning and he was very excited. He'd list off each and every one of his friends that were going to be there and was talking non-stop about his "Thomas birthday." However, when we got there he was immediately very overwhelmed. He wanted to be held which quickly turned into him wanting to leave. Shortly after guests started to arrive and wish him a happy birthday. His response? "No! No happy birthday!" Then tears.(It's not a good feeling when people look at you like your child is rude for not greeting them with a smile and "thank you," but this is yet another lesson for me in not caring what other people think.) I tried to explain that he just needed a minute and I took him off to a corner of the facility with a kitchen set that I know he likes to play with. Within a few seconds he was happily playing.

There were other moments throughout the party that he was uncomfortable with: when anyone wished him a happy birthday, when there were bubbles (at first), when "Coco" came out, when it was time to sit at the table with his friends, and blowing out this candles (he wouldn't sit in front of the cake by himself, but with me holding him we blew out the candles together).

But in other moments he had a great time! Yes, he likes to play by himself but he also loves connecting with kids his age. In busy, crowded settings he is more apt to become quiet and introverted, but get him one-on-one or in a small group and he thrives. Because of this, Russ and I are going to try to become more aware of the situations we're sending him into. I think it will mean we need to do a little bit more creative parenting on our part, but we're up for the challenge. I don't want to deprive him of living life and having adventures though, so if we're somewhere that seems to overwhelm him I'm learning ways of making the situation a little better for him (such as when I took him to a quiet area alone). I'm also going into things knowing that we might have to leave shortly after arrival and that's okay.

The more I read about the HSC (such as this great blog post), the more I can identify with what parents are describing of their children: Complete rage during haircuts, freak outs over nail trimming (we can only trim Carter's when he's asleep), not wanting to be sung to (unless specifically requesting it) and more. And as I mentioned in my previous post on the topic, there are also many positive traits that come along with it such as creativity and compassion.

Here is a list of tips/info we compiled for our family:

- Carter definitely falls on the sensitive spectrum. This doesn't mean he's shy, but it does mean it will take him a while to warm up to new people and situations. He can be easily overwhelmed by new surroundings, bright lights and loud noises. Touching him or immediately approaching him within his personal space will likely cause him to feel uncomfortable.

-Sometimes there will be tears and he may be unwilling to participate in something. 

-With the holidays almost here, this may mean leaving events early or asking people to give us a few minutes alone with him so he can acclimate. It does not mean Carter is rude or unsocial.

- He needs gentle correction and even then he might have very hurt feelings which can lead to a "meltdown." 

-We need to avoid the word "no" with him (as that will most definitely hurt his feelings). Instead we're trying to use redirection. He is very eager to please and if he feels he's done something we don't like it deeply hurts him. 

The plus side of being a sensitive child (or adult) is that Carter will most likely exhibit these traits:

Compassion

Gentleness

The ability to act as a peacemaker

Concern about the humane treatment of animals

A sense of responsibility

Conscientiousness

Creativity

The tendency to feel love deeply

A great intuitive ability

An awareness of his unity with all beings

The ability to have and appreciate spiritual experiences

He is in good company, sharing these traits with such famous highly sensitive males as Abraham Lincoln, Carl Jung, and Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.

Moving forward we're going to continue to honor Carter's feelings and allow him to take things at his pace. There will be struggles, but there will be so much joy.

The Highly Sensitive Child

 I don't like to stick labels on Carter, but for the purpose of this post I'll just call it like I see it: I'm pretty sure Carter is a highly sensitive child (or what we've referred to up until now as "tenderhearted"). 

Russ and I choose not to spank or utilize time out...at least not for Carter. A Mommy or Daddy timeout? Yeah, that's necessary sometimes. You can read some of our reasoning here. So it's more about trying to resolve any problems or frustrations before they even begin. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. If Carter does have a "mini-meltdown" as we call it, we try to just let it run its course and give him space, comfort him, whatever he might need in that moment. As long as he's not hurting himself or others we try out best not to get frustrated or upset with him. 

The most common situation we run into is when Carter is doing something he shouldn't (like coloring on his table) and I gently say, "Carter, remember we only color on paper." No harm, no foul right? Wrong! Nine times out of ten Carter will start crying, "I'm sad! I'm sad!" Within 10 seconds he can have those crocodile tears flowing (sometimes they're real, sometimes not but either way he seems genuinely hurt that he's done something wrong). He then wants a hug and some extra cuddles. This happens A LOT. 

So I started doing some research and somehow stumbled across information regarding the highly sensitive child. I took the online questionnaire and discovered that Carter meets quite a bit of the criteria: doesn't usually enjoy big surprises, complains about the seams in his socks/scratchy clothing/labels on his shirt, learns better from gentle correction than strong punishment, has a clever sense of humor, seems very intuitive, is hard to get to sleep after an exciting day, wants to change clothes if wet or sandy, notices the distress of others, prefers quiet play, is bothered by noisy places, considers if it's safe before climbing in high places, performs best when strangers aren't present, and feels things deeply (there are other traits, but those are the ones he exhibits). 

Like I said up above, I don't want to give Carter labels, but I do thinks he falls more towards the sensitive side of the spectrum. And that's okay. Russ and I figured that out long before I took that online quiz, but it's nice to know there are resources I can find out there if we need them. I really like these seven tips from Psychology Today: 1. Give Downtime 2. Avoid Crowds 3. Go into Nature (and Beauty) 4. Put Creativity First 5. Play Together 6. Give Choices 7. Teach Happiness

Before reading that, teaching happiness is something I'd been working on with Carter in recent weeks. He's very in touch with the emotion of sadness/frustration, but I want him to be able to identify happiness, too. We've been using the word happy more often and talking about being happy. When he's upset I've also taken to singing him the Bobby McFerrin song, "Don't Worry, Be Happy" which my mom oftentimes sang to me as a child (yes, I too could identify with some of the HSC traits as well). 

I read that HSCs are extremely creative, a side to Carter that has already started to blossom. He enjoys using his imagination be it while he's running around outside pretending to be a dinosaur/monster/lion/snake/wolf/etc or spending time writing and drawing. There is nothing we can do to change this about him and I wouldn't want to even if there was. He's tenderhearted, but that makes him more caring and empathetic, traits that I think are very important in this world.

When I look at Carter I feel nothing but a grateful heart. I've said it once and I'll probably say it a million times: he's perfect.

Writing 10's