Reflections on my birthday

 I'm still having trouble finding time to blog so this will have to do. This is my FB post from my birthday last weekend:

"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be." 

As my 32nd birthday comes to a close, I can't help but reflect on the ups and downs. We found out this week that our first IUI didn't work and it felt heartbreaking...a feeling I've gotten to know well this year. However, I also felt so much joy and happiness. My sweet Carter is the most kind hearted boy and I can never feel down for long with him by my side. He's a miracle and I never forget that. And my amazing husband, Russ, is my rock. Like the song says babe, "If we only die once, I wanna die with you." This upcoming year is full of possibility and with these guys by my side I'm ready for the ride!

July Roundup

I have been a terrible blogger this month. Summertime, what can I say?

Some pretty big news is that we've decided to put our house on the market. We won't be moving far, but we'll be getting a new home and we're excited to be able to pick out our own flooring, counter tops, etc. We spent a couple weekends looking around and Carter was a trooper! We've already started fixing the house up a bit to sell and we're hoping to have it on the market by the end of August/beginning of September.

Carter got a haircut!

We went to a new water park by our house

And of course we had to see the new "Planes" movie

We had a family dinner at the beach complete with smores. It was Carter's first time roasting marshmallows and he was hooked!

A self portrait by my artist

And my last bit of news is that I had my first IUI (interuterine insemination). This pic is us in the elevator on our way to the car following the procedure. We are both very hopeful for this cycle, but also trying to prepare ourselves should it not work. The success rate is about 10-20% for a woman under 35. Sometimes it's still hard to believe that we're at this place, but this journey has showed me parts of myself I didn't know existed (or maybe they didn't until now). And I'm so blessed to have such an amazing partner by my side. Russ is my rock. So at this point we've done all we can this cycle and now we wait. Please send prayers and positive energy our way.

This week we wrap up July and prepare for all that August has in store. My birthday, Russ' birthday, a trip to Vegas and hopefully a positive pregnancy test!

June Wrap Up/ July Warm Up

I feel like I've been a little MIA lately, so this would be the perfect time for a June wrap up/July warm up. A couple weeks ago we went to the beach for the first time this summer. As always, it was beautiful and relaxing.

Carter went to a birthday party for the son of Russ' work friend. He was one of the youngest there, but that didn't stop him!

I started July off with a new haircut! As Coco Chanel says, "A woman who cuts her hair is about to change her life." That feels incredibly true right now because...

...I'm in my two week wait (meaning the two weeks before I can take a pregnancy test). Shockingly, at my CD 11 ultrasound I had two mature follicles! I couldn't believe it! I actually responded to the Letrozole! That night for the first time I took Ovidrel (trigger shot) which forces ovulation within approximately 36 hours. The days are going by slowly, but thankfully I have Carter to keep me distracted.

Plus, when she's not working at Old Navy, Madison has been hanging out with us, helping to keep my mind busy. Yesterday we went to a beach in Corona del Mar called "Little Corona." It has tide pools and small/medium size waves. This was our first time going here and the three of us thought it was pretty cool. 

 And here we already are with July 4th tomorrow! I can't believe how fast time has flown by! I feel like we were just in San Diego celebrating last year! I hope that everyone has a happy and safe Independence Day!

A New Cycle & A New Medication

This month marks 2.5 years since Russ and I decided to start trying for baby #2 (I don't really like putting it like that, because believe me, this little soul is already so much more than just a number to us). This journey has been longer then expected and filled with twists and turns. It has also helped me to grow in explainable ways. I'm finding strength I never knew I had. It's the strength to take another pill, endure another ultrasound, hope for the future and prepare for the possible disappointments. As with most women who struggle to conceive, I never thought it would be this difficult to grow our family. I'm not yet at the place where I can say I'm thankful for it, but I believe one day I will be. The day will come when I'm holding our baby in my arms and telling Carter, "Here is your baby sister/brother." On that day, in that moment, I know the journey will be 100% worth every tear, every heartache, every dollar and every restless night. 

So onward and upward! I am at the beginning of a new cycle and this time I'll be taking the fertility drug Letrozole/Femara. Those who are Clomid resistant often have great success with it and I'm planning to be one of those people. 

Here's to a new cycle, these little magic pills and the soul that I still believe is trying to get to us.

 I won't give up if you don't, little one.

Weekly Roundup 5/12-5/18

The weather was in the hundreds for most of the week so we tried to find things to do indoors (or we were at the pool). We had a play date at the trampoline park which has quickly become a hit with Carter!

 On Friday we went to Pennypickles Workshop and it was Russ' first time going with us. Like I've said before, the place is pretty amazing. Everything is just so creative! Each session there is usually one experiment done with the kids by the curator. There weren't that many kids there the day we went so Carter got to do 4! The curator was very impressed with Carter's attention span and enthusiasm. At the end she came up to us and told us that she sees a lot of kids come through and she could tell Carter is very bright. Maybe that's something she says to all the parents, but it made us feel good...and of course we think the same!

Let's talk spelling! This week alone Carter has learned how to spell zoo, zebra, Netflix and fish (and he already knew how to spell Carter). Seemed like everyday I'd walk by the fridge and there would be a new word! His memory amazes me! I know it will come in handy throughout life, too!

We're still working on getting Carter to eat more, but it's going well. Whole grain waffles with sugar free syrup is one of his current favs...

He got some shades for the summer, but so far has only worn them in the house. At least he'll wear a hat for us, though.

And I had an ultrasound with my fertility specialist to check my follicles for this cycle. I have nothing to report at this point, but my fingers are crossed! This has been such an emotional journey, but I know it will all be worth it. I'm not giving up!

TTC and PCOS

All of my test results are in and it's official: I have PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome). I've been told I might have it, but never that it was a definite. Until now. I wasn't sure what to think about it at first, but as it's sunk the the last few days I feel good about it. Not that I want to have it, but the knowing about it is good because I know what direction I need to go in (not just to get pregnant, but for my overall health). I've been put on Metformin to help with insulin resistance that often goes along with PCOS. I'm also taking Synthroid which is a thyroid medication. In 2005 I had a partial thyroid lobectomy (they removed half my thyroid), but the half that I do have has been compensating so I've never been on medication for it. My levels are actually within normal range right now, but while TTC they like the thyroid to be working a little faster, thus the Synthroid.

As for our next step: AF should arrive any day and we'll begin a Clomid cycle at 150mg/day. We're starting at 150mg because that's the dose I was on when we conceived Carter and when I ovulated last year. A couple things we are doing differently though is that my follicles will be monitored via ultrasound. Once one (or more I suppose) reach 18mm I'll be taking a trigger shot of Ovidrel which will force ovulation within 36 hours I believe. We aren't doing IUI (insemination) this round since we know we can conceive on our own. However, if this doesn't work after two tries IUI would most likely be our next step, followed by IVF.

I feel very hopeful about this upcoming cycle. Besides the medication I mentioned, I'm full of prenatals and more folic acid then you can imagine. I'm also taking the information about PCOS and insulin resistance very seriously. The doctor said I could think of myself as "pre" pre-diabetic. That's not a path I want to go down. Russ and I went out this weekend and bought a lot of PCOS friendly foods and I'm getting more serious about exercising daily. I firmly believe in health at every size, so this isn't about losing a bunch of weight (although the doctor told me that a loss of 5% has shown to help boost fertility). I want my body to be functioning at it's highest level for my fertility now, my pregnancy in the near future and my health for the rest of my life so that I can be the best mother and wife possible.

I never wanted to end up needing the help of a fertility specialist, yet deep down I always knew I would. Now that we're here I know with 100% of my being this is the right path for us and it will get us to the destination we've been searching for...our sweet baby that will be the best addition to our family.

Instead of my diagnosis bringing my spirits down, I'm choosing to find in it a renewal of hope. This isn't the end, but the beginning...and something (or should I say someone) magical is heading our way.

NIAW - Our Journey with Infertility

April 20-26th, is National Infertility Awareness Week. While I have tried to keep my blog updated as to where we are in the TTC process, I haven't delved very deeply into my feelings or state of mind about it all. Infertility isn't something often discussed and the reasons for that are different for everyone. For some it's the unsolicited advice that quickly gets annoying (no matter how well-intentioned it may be, being told "just relax" or "go on a vacation" when you know you have something medically wrong with you is frustrating). For others it's the stigma of being infertile. And still for others it's not wanting to constantly bring up such a painful subject. I suppose for me it's a little of all of it, but mostly I don't like to dwell on the negative or unpleasant or feel that I'm being pitied. However, if the topic comes up of "When are you going to have another?" I am very comfortable with saying, "We have been trying, but we're going through infertility treatments right now."

There are a select few people in my life that know the complete details of this process of TTC baby #2 and if you follow my blog you know that I am having tests done at the request of the new fertility specialist I'm seeing. If this is all news to you, then the following two paragraphs should bring you up to speed:

In June 2009 Russ and I decided we were ready to start a family. All of my life I have had irregular cycles, but we figured we'd give it a shot anyways. By October I knew it wasn't going to happen on it's own. I went to my OB/GYN and after having blood work done and being diagnosed with "unexplained infertility" I started on the ovulation inducing drug, Clomid. After 3 rounds we found out we were pregnant with Carter in March 2010. It was a long and often emotionally draining 9+ months from when we first started to when we got pregnant. Little did I know how much more difficult things would be the second time around.

Just after Carter's first birthday, in January 2012, Russ and I decided to start trying on our own again. We knew that it most likely wouldn't happen without medical intervention, but we weren't in a rush at the time. Though by January 2013 I was ready to start Clomid again. I had to have the blood tests repeated and by April we began the first round. It was unsuccessful. Every Clomid cycle was unsuccessful for the rest of the year. The OB/GYN said I needed to go a fertility specialist, which I did a month ago. I've had a uterine biopsy after cysts were found during an ultrasound (thankfully they were not cancerous), an extensive blood panel and on Friday I have a hysterosalpinogram. I've been diagnosed with PCOS. Russ has also had a semen analysis. On May 2nd we will meet with the doctor and discuss the results of everything and see where to go from there.

And here we are along with the other 7.3 million people that struggle with infertility. That's just 1 in 8. I know many women that have faced this unfairness (and let's not forget men, too). Some have gone on to have babies, some are pregnant now and some still wondering when it will happen for them. And there are some women like me. They have been blessed with a child, but now struggle with "secondary infertility." Although I had to take Clomid to have Carter, I am still placed in this category.

It's a cruel trick of nature when your body betrays you. And that's exactly what it feels like. Sometimes you can do everything right, take the medicines and vitamins, eat the best foods, exercise, go to acupuncture, etc. and it still won't be enough. For those women, my heart aches. I wish I could say or do something to take the pain away for them, but I can't. If you have never dealt with infertility then you have no way of fully understanding what I'm saying. You should feel very lucky for that. I wouldn't wish infertility on my worst enemy.

After Carter was born I used to spend so much time just starring at him (and usually crying) because I realized with 100% of my being just how blessed I was so have him as my baby. Now that we're struggling to get pregnant again, I feel that even greater. He is the best miracle. He is the sun. He is the sky. He is the music of my heart. I tell him everyday, "You are my blessing." Every. Single. Day.

To say I'd be okay if we didn't have another child is oversimplifying things. Would I be okay? Yes. Life would keep moving and there would be laughter and joy and love. But I think my heart would always ache (at least a little bit) for what would have been....for the family we could have had. The sibling relationship Carter would miss out on.

Infertility has been ever present in my life. My parents struggled with it for 11 years before having my brother. My mother-in-law, aunt and cousin all had secondary infertility as well. Each of our stories is a little different, but has this common denominator: life didn't go as planned. Odds are I will never know what it's like to decide to get pregnant and have that happen without medical intervention.

And that leads me to this: thank God for medical intervention! It's amazing what can be done and I am so grateful for all of it. Hopefully down the road medical intervention with help us conceive our 2nd little one. Sadly though, in the majority of cases insurance does not cover fertility treatments. We have a PPO that will cover 90% of my stay in a "Christian Science Sanatorium" but covers zero of my fertility treatments. It doesn't make sense to me. It is said this is due to the fact that fertility treatments like IVF are very costly and would raise overall healthcare rates, but this often leads to multiple embryo transfers and thus multiple births that usually involve longer (and very expensive) hospital stays. I feel that if a woman has a desire to be a mother, cost should not prevent her from becoming one. (There is also adoption which is a route we would be open to exploring, but like fertility treatments it is very expensive.)

This post has become much longer then I intended, but it's all very close to my heart. If you are reading and wondering, "Well should I approach this subject with her now or not?" my answer would be, sure. If you want to genuinely inquire as to how I am doing or where we are in the process, that's fine. I just ask that you don't start with, "So, are you pregnant yet?" And if you don't ever bring it up that's okay, too. If there is something I really want to tell you, believe me, I will. That goes for when I get pregnant, as well. It's not like I'd be keeping that secret for 9 months and then SURPRISE! I just had a baby! We'll tell you when we are ready to tell you. Until then if you want to pray for us, send us good vibes or just think positive thoughts for us, we would really appreciate it.

And for any women reading this and dealing with infertility: I can't take the pain away or make you pregnant, but I send you love and hope and strength.

Best Words Ever!

"The results came back normal." 

That has to be one of the greatest sentences ever uttered and it's what I was told about my uterine biopsy this week. What a relief! Tomorrow I'm going to have blood work done and the two hour glucose test. The following Friday I have the hysterosalpinogram (HSG). It feels good to be crossing these off the list and getting closer to being able to TTC again. I was in a bit of a fog for the couple weeks I awaited the results. The not knowing can be the hardest part. But not that I've made it past that I feel a renewed sense of hope. Everything is going to be okay and we'll have a little baby in our arms before we know it!

Btw, this is also a book that I would love as gift (hint, hint to that hubby of mine). Here's the link ;)

Weekly Roundup 3/31-4/6

This week was a little difficult for me because on Thursday I had my uterine biopsy. I spent most of the week either extremely trepidatious or attempting to calm said nerves. Madison was still on spring break so she spent the week at our house working on her collection for her school's fashion show (which is this Saturday). It was nice to have her here to keep me distracted and go with me to my appointment. The biopsy wasn't as bad as I expected and now I'm playing the waiting game for the results (hoping to get them the end of this week or beginning of next). Undoubtedly, it's been a strange time for me but I'm hanging in there thanks to those who care about me.

While I was at my biopsy Carter made these beautiful pictures with Grammy. All you need is shaving cream and food coloring!

Carter and Madison researching fabric ideas

A rare, but much needed nap

One of the things that brought a smile to my face this week was playing dress up with old wigs I found while cleaning out my closet. How cute is Carter in this pink one??!!

I'm hoping to start blogging a little more, but I haven't been able to find the time. Maybe this week will be different...

TTC, PCOS and the C-word

On Wednesday I had my first appointment with a fertility specialist, Dr. T. It's taken me a few days to process everything and I suppose I still am....so much so I don't really know how to even start this post. I guess I'll just walk you through my appointment...

First off, I really like the doctor. She took me into her office and said that although she had my previous charts/test/files (all 23 pages of them!), she'd rather have me describe what I've been dealing with. I walked her through my medical history and she took the time to actively listen to me. We discussed my situation and her preliminary diagnosis is that of PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). In the past I've had one doctor rule out PCOS after an ultrasound showed no cysts on my ovaries, but another doctor told me I could still have it and left it at that. Dr. T said that you don't necessarily have to have cysts on the ovaries to have PCOS. I met a number of the other criteria.

The very basic summary of it is that because of PCOS my hormones levels are out of whack causing me to have irregular cycles (something I've had all of my life). Because I have irregular cycles the uterine lining is building up and the longer it sits there the more of a chance it has to develop precancerous or cancerous cells. Dr. T said she wanted to proceed with an ultrasound to check my lining.

Unfortunately, within seconds of starting the ultrasound it confirmed that I do have a very thick lining. Dr. T showed me the screen and said that she didn't want to scare me, but there were a number of cysts on the lining. I was shocked. I assumed my lining might be thick because my last cycle was months ago, but when I saw all of the cysts I couldn't believe it. My next thought was, "Man, I really wish Russ was here" (he couldn't get off work).

She continued the ultrasound and tried to get a look at my ovaries, but the bowel was obstructing the view. It was quite painful.

We finished and she told me that I need to have a uterine biopsy (which I'll be having 4/3). Following the biopsy I'm going to take Provera to induce my cycle, then have blood work completed and a 2 hour glucose test (those with PCOS are often insulin resistant). Between cycle days 10-12 I'll be having a hysterosalpinogram performed (dye is inserted and then an xray is taken to get a clear view of my reproductive system). Russ will also be having a semen analysis (he also did one when we were trying to get pregnant with Carter, but that was 4.5 years ago so they need to check everything again).

So that is the logistical side of everything. As for the emotional side, I'm in a weird state of mind right now. Immediately following the appointment I was upset (to put it lightly). I had gone to discuss pregnancy and left wondering if I may have cancer. A few days out I'm thinking a little more clearly. I am not having any symptoms that would lead me to believe I have cancer, so I think it will be fine. Waiting to have the biopsy (and then waiting for the results) is very difficult though.

There are moments when I look at Carter and start crying for so many reasons it's hard for me to even pinpoint. Sometimes it's because I feel bad for him that I'm not 100% there in the moment, or I'm sad that I haven't been able to give him a sibling, or I feel so much gratitude that I have been gifted with such an amazing son, or I'm terrified that something might be horribly wrong with me and I'd have to leave him or the beauty of this life utterly astonishes me.

And sometimes I'm just straight out pissed off that I have to deal with any of this.

For today, I am happy and I am grateful. I've spent this weekend focused on staying in each moment and treasuring the gift of life...and my body. It would be easy for me to resent the fact that it's not doing what it's supposed to, but instead I'm choosing to love it even more. My body has served me well and I know it will continue to do so.

I'm not sure who reads my blog anymore (besides my lovely friends Kristin and Nancy), but if you are reading this I would appreciate any good vibes or peaceful, loving energy you want to send my way.

Namaste.

TTC Baby #2 Update

My update kind of is a non-update in that nothing is going on at this exact point in time. After waiting over a month for an appointment with an RE I found out it wasn't covered by our insurance (just days before the appointment, of course). I had also been doing research into what tests/procedures an RE generally recommends. After reading up on it I felt in my heart of hearts that we aren't ready for that next step. I really would like to try Clomid at least a few more cycles.

So I cancelled the appointment, which would have been today, and now have one scheduled with a new OB/GYN (since the one I liked at my previous practice retired). At that time I'll see what the new doctor recommends and go from there. That won't be until March 5th. In the meantime I'm trying to remain hopeful that this will happen for us. There are moments when I feel like I will never be pregnant again, but then there are other times I can sense another little soul making its way to us with every fiber of my being. Time will tell...

A ladybug flew into the car this afternoon and landed on my hand...

...I pray that's the sign of luck I need it to be.

Deja Vu

Today I attended Women's Wisdom at Common Ground Spiritual Center for the first time in far too long. I'm really making an effort this year to take those two mornings a month (for an hour and half) and renew myself. My head space has been pretty cluttered the past few days mostly with thoughts of TTC (or lack thereof since I don't see the RE for another month) and also with my grandma (I'll go more in depth on that another time). So when I sat down and heard this poem read by my friend Nancy I knew I was exactly where I needed to be.

"As children bring their broken toys

with tears for us to mend,

I brought my broken dreams to God

because He was my friend.

But instead of leaving Him

in peace to work alone,

I hung around and tried to help

with ways that were my own.

At last I snatched them back and cried,

"How can You be so slow?"

"My child," he said, "what could I do?

You never let them go."

~Lauretta Burns

I had a complete sense of deja vu because I remember this poem very well from when we were trying to get pregnant with Carter. In fact I even wrote a blog about it titled "Letting Go and Letting God." I can't link you back to that old post (since it's on my old blog) but I'll post it here:

"Wow, I think that poem is simple, to the point and very poignant. Today I attended a class at Common Ground called "Dancing with Spirit." That was just part of the brilliant readings we had. It is something that I am definitely trying to work on in life, especially now.

Yesterday, besides class, I also had a doctor's appointment. Sadly (and frustratingly) I had another negative pregnancy test. My Clomid has been upped again (to the most that you can possibly take) and I'm not looking forward to the roller coaster of emotions those hormones induce. I gotta do what I gotta do though.

While I was in the waiting room I picked up a magazine that was next to me - - "Conceive Magazine." My first thought was wow, it must take a lot of people quite a long time if they can make magazine about it!So I thumbed through it and learned some interesting facts. A couple that has no fertility issues and are under 30 years of age only have a 25% chance of conceiving each month. I was surprised by this. Those odds aren't that great. Weirdly though, it made me feel better. Each month when I get that negative pt I feel like I'm drifting further away from my dream. In actuality, I'm getting closer. I've got to remember that.

Something I have always tried to work on is patience. This is a lesson I am being forced to learn right now. Too often I can be like the person in the poem, trying to budge God into doing things my way, in my time. I've got to truly let go and let God. It isn't easy, but I'm working on it. In the meantime, another month on the "baby making routine" begins. Believe me, it isn't as fun as it sounds. Calendars, pills, ovulation tests, hot flushes, break downs. Oh my! I'm keeping my eye on the prize though - - one day I will be holding my baby in my arms and all of it will have been worth it."

I wrote that almost 4 years ago exactly (January 29, 2010). It's so strange how I've found myself in that same place, dealing with very similar emotions. Again I'm having to learn that life doesn't happen on my time, it happens on God's time and there is a perfect plan in place that I just can't see yet. Some days that is easy for me to do, other days not so much. 

For instance, yesterday we were in the mother's lounge at Nordstroms waiting for Madison and another mother was there with her one year old. Carter was so sweet with her. He was fascinated with just about everything about her from the bow in her hair to her tiny shoes. She wobbled over to where Carter had his cars lined up on the couch and he very sweetly handed a car to her and said, "Here baby. You play with this one." It melted my heart. He then said, "Come on baby! Let's race the cars!" He continued to talk to and play with her. The entire exchange was precious. At that moment I felt simultaneously totally in love with my little boy and his kind heart, but also I felt an aching within my own.

I want to be able to give him a sibling so badly that is hurts sometimes. In those moments I've got to remember this poem more often. I have to let go. As I wrote four years ago, "One day I will be holding my baby in my arms and all of it will have been worth it." It was just as true then and it is now. Carter was worth it a hundred times over, just as our second child will be. Until then I affirm that I trust in the process of life.

What the new year has in store...

I had a different post in mind for today, but our computer isn't behaving itself and won't let me download pictures from our camera. Thus, I'm going to hit ya with a post I was going to put up later this week. Since it's the beginning of a new year I thought I'd give you some updates as to what our life is like at the start of 2014 and also what some of my hopes are for the upcoming months ahead.

First, Carter! He really hit three running. His language/speech is growing and improving everyday! I can understand about 90% of what he says which is on target for his age and what his main caregiver should be able to understand. Is his speech perfect? No, of course not, but he has come leaps and bounds. He has not been reevaluated since he was almost two and his pediatrician told us at this point he thinks Carter is doing well and most likely won't need speech therapy. We're going to keep an eye on it, but we are really happy with his progress. 

He's napping only about half of the time now and I'm actually good with that. In fact, I'd prefer him not to nap at all anymore because he goes to bed earlier and easier when he doesn't. However, the naps still come in handy (it's the only reason I'm able to write this right now!). And as for him being a HSC (highly sensitive child), Russ and I are starting to get the hang of how to best parent him. We are more easily able to see when he is truly upset or when he is unsure and needs us to give him a little push to try something that we are 99% sure he'll enjoy if he gives it a chance. It's a learning experience for all three of us, but as we gain more knowledge it becomes less difficult (notice I didn't say easy). He's definitely at a very fun age and it's always a joy to see him grow more and more into his own person. One of my favorite things about him is his sense of humor! He's kind of goofy (life me) so he can always make me laugh.

Next, I wanted to give you an update on baby #2. After over a year of trying on our own and then 4 rounds of Clomid/9 months, we still are not pregnant. It's been an emotional journey to say the least and one that is not yet over. Our next step at this point is that I am going to start seeing a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE). I am waiting for the office to call me back and hopefully I will have an appointment this month. I will probably have to go through testing again, but I think this is going to be a really great decision as I'll be able to receive more monitored care. When we started trying for our second little angel I honestly thought it would be easier than with Carter (we tried for 5 months on our own and then had 3 rounds/6 months of medicated cycles). But when I look at Carter it gives me renewed hope because it is possible. I know with all of my heart 2014 will be the year I get pregnant. 

A couple other things going on: I'm going to get a little more organized with homeschooling activities for Carter. Russ and I have decided we aren't sending him to preschool so this is going to be the start of our homeschooling journey. We are still planning to sign him up for some Mommy & Me type classes (and maybe dance, too!), but he won't be going to preschool. I know there is some backlash when it comes to homeschooling, but we have done our research and feel that this is what is best for our family at this time.

2014 is also going to see some more projects completed around the house! We have 2 bathrooms, our master bedroom and laundry room left and then the house will be painted from top to bottom! We also want to install the wood flooring throughout the rest of the downstairs. And I have to mention ceiling fans! We MUST get those installed before next summer! We've been planning to do this for the past few years but it's one of those things that gets pushed aside when other necessities arise. 

So that's just a brief update on our life. For me personally, I am going to try to spend a little more time attending classes at Common Ground Spiritual Center as that is something I've really missed. It can be hard for me to leave Carter as everyone leads busy lives (he is only babysat by family), but I think it's important once in a while. I'm going into 2014 with a renewed sense of self, also. Last year there were some moments that were not my finest, but I know who I really am at the core of my being and that is a kind, loving and giving person. No one can tell me otherwise. We are all learning here on "Earth School" and I'd be remiss to say I know all there is to know; but I love, forgive and let go to the best of my ability. I wish this for everyone because to hold onto anger, jealousy or even hate is no way to live this life we have all been gifted with. 

With all of that said, I welcome 2014 because I know it is going to be a game changer! My little boy is growing up so fast, my relationship with Russ is stronger than ever and there is a tiny soul making it's way to our family. It doesn't get more exciting than that!

Peace, love and happiness to all of you in 2014!