TTC, PCOS and the C-word

On Wednesday I had my first appointment with a fertility specialist, Dr. T. It's taken me a few days to process everything and I suppose I still am....so much so I don't really know how to even start this post. I guess I'll just walk you through my appointment...

First off, I really like the doctor. She took me into her office and said that although she had my previous charts/test/files (all 23 pages of them!), she'd rather have me describe what I've been dealing with. I walked her through my medical history and she took the time to actively listen to me. We discussed my situation and her preliminary diagnosis is that of PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). In the past I've had one doctor rule out PCOS after an ultrasound showed no cysts on my ovaries, but another doctor told me I could still have it and left it at that. Dr. T said that you don't necessarily have to have cysts on the ovaries to have PCOS. I met a number of the other criteria.

The very basic summary of it is that because of PCOS my hormones levels are out of whack causing me to have irregular cycles (something I've had all of my life). Because I have irregular cycles the uterine lining is building up and the longer it sits there the more of a chance it has to develop precancerous or cancerous cells. Dr. T said she wanted to proceed with an ultrasound to check my lining.

Unfortunately, within seconds of starting the ultrasound it confirmed that I do have a very thick lining. Dr. T showed me the screen and said that she didn't want to scare me, but there were a number of cysts on the lining. I was shocked. I assumed my lining might be thick because my last cycle was months ago, but when I saw all of the cysts I couldn't believe it. My next thought was, "Man, I really wish Russ was here" (he couldn't get off work).

She continued the ultrasound and tried to get a look at my ovaries, but the bowel was obstructing the view. It was quite painful.

We finished and she told me that I need to have a uterine biopsy (which I'll be having 4/3). Following the biopsy I'm going to take Provera to induce my cycle, then have blood work completed and a 2 hour glucose test (those with PCOS are often insulin resistant). Between cycle days 10-12 I'll be having a hysterosalpinogram performed (dye is inserted and then an xray is taken to get a clear view of my reproductive system). Russ will also be having a semen analysis (he also did one when we were trying to get pregnant with Carter, but that was 4.5 years ago so they need to check everything again).

So that is the logistical side of everything. As for the emotional side, I'm in a weird state of mind right now. Immediately following the appointment I was upset (to put it lightly). I had gone to discuss pregnancy and left wondering if I may have cancer. A few days out I'm thinking a little more clearly. I am not having any symptoms that would lead me to believe I have cancer, so I think it will be fine. Waiting to have the biopsy (and then waiting for the results) is very difficult though.

There are moments when I look at Carter and start crying for so many reasons it's hard for me to even pinpoint. Sometimes it's because I feel bad for him that I'm not 100% there in the moment, or I'm sad that I haven't been able to give him a sibling, or I feel so much gratitude that I have been gifted with such an amazing son, or I'm terrified that something might be horribly wrong with me and I'd have to leave him or the beauty of this life utterly astonishes me.

And sometimes I'm just straight out pissed off that I have to deal with any of this.

For today, I am happy and I am grateful. I've spent this weekend focused on staying in each moment and treasuring the gift of life...and my body. It would be easy for me to resent the fact that it's not doing what it's supposed to, but instead I'm choosing to love it even more. My body has served me well and I know it will continue to do so.

I'm not sure who reads my blog anymore (besides my lovely friends Kristin and Nancy), but if you are reading this I would appreciate any good vibes or peaceful, loving energy you want to send my way.

Namaste.

Weekly Roundup 3/10-3/16

This week included hanging out with friends at the park and 2 date nights for Russ and I (one to see "Singin' in the Rain and the other to watch our friend's band, Mr. Moonshine, compete in a battle of the bands. The last one was also a double date with my parents. It was a really fun night!). We also spent time with Dee dee (lunch earlier in the week, she babysat Carter while we went to the play and on Sunday we went to a local farmer's market). 

We are living every day to the fullest and enjoying every minute with Carter. The days and weeks seem to be passing faster and faster, so we're savoring each moment.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

May your day be touched with a bit of Irish luck, brightened by a song in your heart, and warmed with smiles by the people you love!

(Everyone should have a good luck charm as awesome as ours!)

Patty's Day Flashbacks:

A Day In Our Life - Homeschool Preschool

I thought it would be interesting to document a day in our life since I haven't done one in quite some time (in fact they are all on my old blog). 

4:30-5:30am - Carter and Mommy wake up! Carter is still our early bird so we get the day started before the sun has come up. We almost immediately go down stairs for a little bite to eat and usually watch a show or two (right now he likes Pocoyo the most). I've always considered myself a morning person, but getting up this early it takes me a while to come around.

5:45am - Daddy wakes up (leaves for work at 6:20am)

7:00am - Get dressed and ready for the day

8:00am - Playtime/learning time/snack time (while I try to fit in a little tidying up around the house/do laundry/change sheets/etc). On this day he chose to color and worked on writing letters.

9:00 - 10:00am - If we have an activity planned or play date, we are usually leaving the house around this time. This day happened to be a shopping one though so we went to Target. Carter likes to guide us through the store (so I leave extra time for that) and this is his favorite aisle right now - - the locks! He likes the different colors and the fact that some have numbers and some have letters. 

12:00pm - Lunch time 

12:30pm - More playtime/ learning time/ computer time/ bath time/ park. We don't have a necessary order that we do any of this. We basically go from activity to activity based on what Carter wants to do. Once I start more structured preschool in the Fall we'll have a more specific order that I'm going to try to implement. We did switch Carter's baths from just before bedtime to the morning/afternoon. He enjoys his time in the bath and we were always so tired at night that we had to rush through. Doing it during the day has been a lot better. Also, without taking naps he is ready for bed earlier so some nights we weren't having the time.

6:00pm - Daddy gets home and we have dinner and then Carter spends some time playing with Russ. We usually read some books and on this night they put together a dinosaur skeleton (another clearance find from Target).

7:30pm - Bedtime for Carter!

9:00pm - Bedtime for Mommy!

10:00pm - Bedtime for Daddy!

Things don't necessarily happen this exact way everyday, but this is a pretty normal weekday for us. And that's how we do it!

Creating a Homeschool (Preschool) Room

We have given this much thought over recent months and Russ and I have come to the decision that we are going to convert our formal living room into a homeschool room (we're 95% sure). Here is what it currently looks like:

It's nothing really special. Since moving in five years ago this has been the toughest room to get any use out of. I've had it set up every which way (at one point we had a TV in there as well), but besides at Christmas when our tree is set up, we are basically rarely in the room. I've got a few of Carter's toys out there, but they don't get played with much and the rest of the room is a hodgepodge of furniture that doesn't go anywhere else anymore. It also has vaulted ceilings which have always presented a decorating difficulty.

At any rate, since Carter was first toddling I have pondered turning it into a playroom. I figured we'd just end up with even more toys (which I did not want) so we've kept things in our family room until now. What has currently happened though is that I'm acquiring a variety of preschool materials and don't have many places to store them (Target has had phenomenal clearance and dollar items lately). I feel like I've got things here, there and everywhere. Even coloring books alone take up almost an entire shelf in our kitchen cabinets (not to mention play dough, crayons, markers, paint supplies, books, etc). Thus, I got to thinking, "Why not turn it into a classroom?" 

After converting our dining room into our office I have become all about maximizing the use of every room in the house. Seriously, why have a formal living room that is used once a year? Makes no sense. The biggest concern we had about making this change is what if I don't end up homeschooling Carter? However, I figure if nothing else it can be where he works on arts and crafts and later homework and projects. 

So over the next few months our plan is to slowly make the change. I'm not going to start "real" homeschool preschool until next September so we've got time to make the room over (and by that I mean having more structured learning time with a daily "schedule"...a term I also use loosely). I'm currently in the idea phase and so far these are some rooms I like (not necessarily the colors per se, but the set up):

I like the whimsical feel of the first room, the storage unit in the second and the books shelves in the third. Actually those are the three of the most important elements I want to incorporate. 1. A space that is inviting and inspiring 2. Plenty of storage 3. Books shelves that makes Carter's books easily accessible and the 4th item is having a table/work space for Carter (which will mean either using a table that we already having and possibly refinishing it or buying something new like the plastic blue table in the 3rd photo). 

Because our room has such huge walls I'm not sure if we will be repainting, but I'm a sucker for color so that will be incorporated somehow. Like I said, I've got time but the wheels are turning! I foresee a few trips to Ikea in our future. This Mommy is excited!

Update: I started writing this post a few days ago and I have since moved Carter's table (that was Russ' as a child) into the room with some of his books and he's already taken to it. He was all smiles and said, "Look Mommy! I'm reading at my table!" I think he's really going to love having that space for himself. 

Weekly Roundup 3/3-3/9

This week started off with Carter's first fishing experience. We went to the lake where Grammy and Heehaw (Russ' parents) live and Carter had the best time. He didn't catch anything, but he gave it his best shot for over an hour. He even learned how to bait his "hook." It was a very fun outing!

Carter has also started to really enjoy play dough. He's played with it here and there over the past couple of years, but these last few weeks he's developed a big interest in it. His favorite thing to do is make sea life shapes out of it.

He goofed off with Dee dee

And took a few naps...I thought we were done with them, but this week they came back and wrecked havoc on things (it messes up his bedtime and nighttime sleeping badly). I'm hoping we can get back on track this week cause Mommy needs a good nights' rest!

It's hard to believe that a couple weeks ago Carter didn't even know how to ride a bike because he's now a pro at it!

And with springtime comes that itch I get every year to revamp things around the house. This weekend we started with the front yard. Carter was a big help! (I've got more planned so stayed tuned this week for a post discussing a major change we're ready to make to our house (we think)!

I wish I'd taken a before picture, but Russ and Carter added the red mulch, put in a few plants and trimmed the rosemary along the wall.

We're also trying to fill in a couple spots on the front lawn that never want to grow. It's only been 2 weeks and they are filling in (I'm sure the rain helped a lot!).

Carter loves being with Russ and I couldn't be happier. Watching their relationship grow is so sweet and special.

His little mind fascinates me! Here is he making shapes with his hands. This one is a diamond.

AND...Carter learned how to spell his name!!!!! He's known for a while what is means when we spell it out, but he can now spell it himself! (sorry, it's a little difficult to hear him)

 My brother Cameron also came over this week which was very nice (he's usually busy with school or work). It was a full and fun week!

 Happy Monday!

Field Trip: SD Zoo Safari Park

The rain has come and gone so we decided to enjoy this beautiful weather with a trip to the San Diego Zoo Safari Park. The park was probably the least crowded I've ever seen it which was nice because there were no clumps of people to fight through. We hadn't been since last summer and it was fun to see Carter's reactions this time around. He's growing up so fast! We didn't bring the stroller and he walked the whole park himself (with a smile on his face the entire time). He's talking so much and has a very gentle and polite side to him that makes my heart melt (and also a determined side that gets easily frustrated like his mommy).

Sometimes I get drudged down with the fact that we are still trying to get pregnant with baby #2, but I look at Russ and Carter and my heart smiles. When I stay here in the "now" I have to admit that my life is pretty awesome. I don't know what I did to deserve such an amazing husband or my beautiful little boy, but I am forever grateful.