The Highly Sensitive Child

 I don't like to stick labels on Carter, but for the purpose of this post I'll just call it like I see it: I'm pretty sure Carter is a highly sensitive child (or what we've referred to up until now as "tenderhearted"). 

Russ and I choose not to spank or utilize time out...at least not for Carter. A Mommy or Daddy timeout? Yeah, that's necessary sometimes. You can read some of our reasoning here. So it's more about trying to resolve any problems or frustrations before they even begin. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. If Carter does have a "mini-meltdown" as we call it, we try to just let it run its course and give him space, comfort him, whatever he might need in that moment. As long as he's not hurting himself or others we try out best not to get frustrated or upset with him. 

The most common situation we run into is when Carter is doing something he shouldn't (like coloring on his table) and I gently say, "Carter, remember we only color on paper." No harm, no foul right? Wrong! Nine times out of ten Carter will start crying, "I'm sad! I'm sad!" Within 10 seconds he can have those crocodile tears flowing (sometimes they're real, sometimes not but either way he seems genuinely hurt that he's done something wrong). He then wants a hug and some extra cuddles. This happens A LOT. 

So I started doing some research and somehow stumbled across information regarding the highly sensitive child. I took the online questionnaire and discovered that Carter meets quite a bit of the criteria: doesn't usually enjoy big surprises, complains about the seams in his socks/scratchy clothing/labels on his shirt, learns better from gentle correction than strong punishment, has a clever sense of humor, seems very intuitive, is hard to get to sleep after an exciting day, wants to change clothes if wet or sandy, notices the distress of others, prefers quiet play, is bothered by noisy places, considers if it's safe before climbing in high places, performs best when strangers aren't present, and feels things deeply (there are other traits, but those are the ones he exhibits). 

Like I said up above, I don't want to give Carter labels, but I do thinks he falls more towards the sensitive side of the spectrum. And that's okay. Russ and I figured that out long before I took that online quiz, but it's nice to know there are resources I can find out there if we need them. I really like these seven tips from Psychology Today: 1. Give Downtime 2. Avoid Crowds 3. Go into Nature (and Beauty) 4. Put Creativity First 5. Play Together 6. Give Choices 7. Teach Happiness

Before reading that, teaching happiness is something I'd been working on with Carter in recent weeks. He's very in touch with the emotion of sadness/frustration, but I want him to be able to identify happiness, too. We've been using the word happy more often and talking about being happy. When he's upset I've also taken to singing him the Bobby McFerrin song, "Don't Worry, Be Happy" which my mom oftentimes sang to me as a child (yes, I too could identify with some of the HSC traits as well). 

I read that HSCs are extremely creative, a side to Carter that has already started to blossom. He enjoys using his imagination be it while he's running around outside pretending to be a dinosaur/monster/lion/snake/wolf/etc or spending time writing and drawing. There is nothing we can do to change this about him and I wouldn't want to even if there was. He's tenderhearted, but that makes him more caring and empathetic, traits that I think are very important in this world.

When I look at Carter I feel nothing but a grateful heart. I've said it once and I'll probably say it a million times: he's perfect.

Writing 10's